Ah, toddler tantrums—the universal soundtrack of parenthood. One moment your little one is a cherubic delight, and the next, they’re dramatically throwing themselves on the floor because their banana broke in half.
If you’re dealing with frequent meltdowns, take a deep breath. You’re not alone, and there’s good news: tantrums and speech delays are often connected, which means helping your child communicate better can actually reduce tantrums! Let’s dive into how and why.
Most Common Age for Temper Tantrums
Temper tantrums are most common between 1 and 4 years old, peaking around 18 months to 3 years. Why? Because at this age, toddlers have big feelings but limited ways to express them. Imagine if you desperately wanted coffee but couldn’t say the word and no one understood your dramatic miming—frustrating, right? That’s essentially what’s happening in your toddler’s world.
Most kids start learning to manage emotions better by age 4 or 5, but if tantrums persist beyond this, it might be a sign of an underlying issue—like difficulty with speech and language.
Can Speech Delay Cause Tantrums?
Short answer? Absolutely! Many tantrums stem from frustration, and a child who struggles to express themselves is much more likely to have emotional outbursts. Here’s how:
- They struggle to understand you. If they don’t fully grasp what’s being asked, they might react by refusing or acting out.
- They know what they want but can’t say it. Cue frustration, followed by flailing arms and wailing.
- They aren’t understood. When they attempt to say something, but you’re left guessing—cue meltdown.
A 2020 study found that late talkers (children with limited vocabulary at age 2) were almost twice as likely to have severe tantrums compared to their peers. That’s because speech and emotional regulation are closely linked. The better a child can communicate, the less they need to resort to full-blown theatrical performances.
How to Cope with Toddler Tantrums
While tantrums are normal, they can also be exhausting. Here are some parent-approved ways to survive them:
1. Stay Calm (Even If You’re Internally Screaming)
Your child feeds off your energy. The calmer you remain, the quicker they’ll settle down. Plus, deep breathing might keep you from launching into your own tantrum.
2. Use Simple Words and Visuals
If speech delay is a factor, using visual aids, sign language, or pictures can help them communicate while their verbal skills catch up. Sometimes pointing to a picture of a snack is much easier than saying “crackers.”
3. Acknowledge Their Feelings
Saying, “I know you’re upset because your socks feel weird,” helps them feel understood. Validating their frustration can sometimes reduce the need for a meltdown.
4. Offer Choices
Instead of asking, “What do you want to eat?” (which can overwhelm them), try “Do you want an apple or a banana?” This gives them control within a structured choice.
5. Consider Speech Therapy
If tantrums seem overwhelmingly tied to communication struggles, a speech-language pathologist (SLP) can help. The earlier children get support, the faster they develop the tools to express themselves with words instead of wails.
One great option for at-home support is using special speech and language therapy apps for kids, like the Bubu Speech Therapy App. Designed by experts, this app provides engaging, interactive exercises, from breathing and tongue training to more advanced ones which help children build their vocabulary and improve communication skills—all while having fun. Whether your child is a late talker or just needs extra speech practice, Bubu makes learning easy and stress-free for both parents and kids.
When Do Tantrums Stop?
Most children outgrow frequent tantrums by 4 or 5 years old, as their ability to communicate and regulate emotions improves. However, if your child is still having intense tantrums past this age, or they seem particularly tied to communication difficulties, it might be time to get a professional opinion.
Final Thoughts: There’s Hope (and Help!)
Tantrums can make even the most patient parent question their life choices. But if speech and language struggles are playing a role, the solution might be simpler than you think. By supporting your child’s communication skills—whether through at-home strategies or speech therapy—you’re giving them the tools to express themselves without all the drama.
And remember: you got this. One day, the tantrums will fade, and you’ll look back fondly on these years (or at least laugh about them over a well-earned glass of wine). Until then, deep breaths, simple words, and maybe keep some noise-canceling headphones handy.
Emily Carter
M.S., CCC-SLP
A certified speech-language pathologist with a master’s from Boston University. With over 10 years of experience, she helps children with speech delays, articulation issues, and language difficulties using fun, play-based techniques. Outside of work, she enjoys hiking, baking, and discovering great children's books.